


Watermelon Chicken Yugi

by yugimoto



Series: Yami Kills Grandpa [6]
Category: Yu-Gi-Oh! - All Media Types, Yu-Gi-Oh! Duel Monsters (Anime & Manga)
Genre: Attempt at Humor, Gen, Humor, Multi, Parody, What Was I Thinking?, trash
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-08-21
Updated: 2020-08-24
Packaged: 2021-03-07 02:21:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,939
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26029366
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/yugimoto/pseuds/yugimoto
Summary: In which Solomon Muto takes some quarantine meal ideas from a certain university in New York: watermelon chicken salad. Yami is disgusted by this monstrosity; Yugi just wants to play with his baby trains...and absolutely no one cares about Tristan Taylor.
Relationships: Mutou Yuugi/Yami Yuugi
Series: Yami Kills Grandpa [6]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1842424
Comments: 4
Kudos: 12





	1. Yami is force-fed Watermelon Chicken Salad

Yugi was currently in his soul room after a disappointing therapist session this previous morning. He was ranting about none other than his stupid Grandpa. 

“Stupid Grandpa!” he hissed to himself like a slimy snake (who happened to be wearing a new pair of baby starlight pajamas). He angrily threw his teddy bear onto the floor. 

**_"Yugi, I am tired of hearing about your stupid, greasy grandpa! I told you that we should’ve killed him._ **”

_"Yami!_ That train is _not_ fixed.”

Yami was silent and decided to finally fix Yugi’s silly baby train after two months of ignoring his request–despite his promise to do so. 

**_...Stupid train…_ **

**_“_ **It wasn’t so stupid when you kept playing with it without my permission and destroyed it!!”

Just before Yugi could mutter another argument to Yami, a loud roar came from none other than Solomon Muto. Yugi’s favorite grandpappi. Only his guttural roar could wake up Yugi from the soul room. 

_“OHHHHHH YUUUUUUUUGIIIII!_ Look what I’m doing! I’m finally following my doctor’s suggestion and eating something that’s not bacon or drinking shots of bacon grease. Look what I made for ‘us’ for lunch!”

To Yugi’s awful disgust, he gazed upon his grandpa’s horrendous creation, cubes of two week old, mushy watermelon followed by thinly sliced, dried, white chicken that had a stripe of pink on the inside. 

“I couldn’t decide whether to cook the chicken or make it a tar-tar, so I decided to do both! I threw the chicken in the microwave for about 10 seconds and ta-da! SALLLLADDDDD, YUUUUUUGI!”

**_Yugi, I’m going to literally throw up if you make us try this inedible garbage._ **

“Grandpa! This is a health hazard–this is...this is just salmonella and food poisoning with extra steps! I–” He looked up to see his grandpa’s dead, greasy, fishy eyes, that were also turning slightly yellow from the obvious food poisoning he now has. “I…I don’t understand what made you think this is a meal. Don’t tell me you actually expect me to–”

“YUUUUGI! In MY day we ATE what our elder ponies provided us.” Solomon huffed and wheezed just to get each word out. His chest was heaving as he chomped on the thinly sliced chicken like a horse eating hay. Years of eating bacon and drinking grease has had this effect on this deranged old man. 

**_In MY day we used the sundial to tell the time._ **

_Yami - that’s not even - nevermind._

“Come on, Yugi. Don’t knock it till you try it. I’ve had two plates of this wonderful dish already! I can feel my heart disease disappearing! My arteries are unclogged!”

“YOU WHAT!!” Yugi’s face turned wan with green undertones.

**_HAHAHAHAHAHA_ **

“...Shut up, Pharaoh!”

**_It is funny because your stupid grandpa may do my job for me._ **

“Here comes the traaaaaaain, my little Yuuuuuuuuuugi. BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP! CHUGGA CHUGGA CHUGGA CHUGGA CHUGGA CHOOOOOOO COHOOOOOOOO” 

**_HAHAHAHA Look who’s playing with the trains now!_ **

“Fine, your turn.”

**_WAIT WHAT? NO, Yugi! I promise I’ll really fix the train–_ **

The two switched spots and thus began the unnecessarily long transition where they shouted the main title of the show. It was annoying from the very first time.

“YUGI-”

Solomon then popped some of the rancid meal he created into Yugi’s mouth in the middle of shouting. He was now feeding his little Yugi like a mother feeds her baby birds. From his own mouth.

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

“Doesn’t that taste amazing, Grandson??”

Yami shoved Solomon down the stairs as he ran to the bathroom to puke–or dry heave really since Yugi had eaten less meals than a student at NYU in 2020. Solomon screamed as he tumbled down the stairs like a bowling ball and bounced off the walls with each thud. _STRIKE!_ A completely random stranger announced as if the Game Shop was a bowling alley.

“How’s my favorite duo in the whole wor-” Tristan tried to greet Yugi and Solomon, but was quickly met by the sheer velocity of a greasy, sweaty, fishy, SeaWorld Orlando Killer Whale, bowling ball of destruction that was Solomon Muto. 

_**BAM** _

“OHHHHHHH TRISTAAAAAAAAN, I’m glad I caught ya! You can run but you can never hide from me! I know where you live! Anyhow, try some of this wonderful watermelon chicken salad I made this afternoon. Yugi loves it! I like making healthy food. I am so proud. Yugi is proud too–aren’t you _Yugi?_ ”

Yami was actually spewing chunks as they spoke to dispel the horrific concoction that was without a doubt Solomon’s worst dish he had ever created. At this point only tears were coming out. Yami threw himself to the floor as if he were Yugi. He was done. He would rather be in Ancient Egypt where he ate the delicious snack of sand as a child or in a conversation with Tea. 

_"S_ _OLOMON!_ _”_ Yami hurled. “This is the most _vile_ creation I have ever consumed! You horrific beast -”

“Oh, Grandson! You make Granpop-pop so happy and warm inside. Come give your old man’s old man a hug.” Solomon smiled, as he opened his arms for a warm embrace from his grandson.

Yami responded by punching Solomon directly in the stomach. He kicked Tristan down the stairs for extra measure (who actually bounced out of the window, perhaps for his own good). “Solomon, if I had my BB gun, _oh!_ I would have ruined your life. And I would have reduced the amount of strife in Yugi’s life tenfold.”

Shockingly (but at this point, nothing is a surprise with him), Solomon absorbed Yami’s punch as if he was a sponge. Specifically, a greasy, wheezing, delusional, fishy, sweaty sponge. A dog collar labeled ‘Joey’ also popped out from the inner folds of his greasy stomach.

_Yami, face it….you just can’t kill him! Some deux ex machina saves my stupid grandpappi every time!_

**_...You’re right, Yugi. It seems like everytime I try to wipe your stupid grandpa off the face of the earth, he somehow manages to come back stronger and more insane. Even mind-crushing him didn’t do a thing...Perhaps he is immortal? If this...fruity chicken does not kill him, Yugi, I don’t know what else to tell you._ **

“Alrighty then! Well, you two kids go play in the park while I make dessert for later. I’ll give you a hint: it will have more healthy chicken strips in it!” Solomon rolled away with excitement. He was becoming more of a rolly polly every day. Most turn into a beautiful butterfly, but Solomon? Never. 

_Well, can’t you banish him to the Shadow Realm at least?_

**_Yugi…You still believe in the Shadow Realm? I made that up!_ **

_What?! What the heck do you mean the Shadow Realm doesn’t exist? Where did all of those people go?_

**_Uhh…_ **

_Forget it. I have to focus on escaping my stupid caterpillar rolly polly croissant Grandpappi._

**_...Croissant? That is a French delicacy, Yugi._ **

_Nobody asked you dammit! My grandpappi is no DELICACY! Have you met the man? He’s not human. We are banned from virtually every chain restaurant. I cannot even go into MacRonalds because Grandpop bellyflopped there...naked once. That was the tenth restaurant we got banned from!_

**_Neither are croissants._ **

_Did you even listen, Yami? To my tragic McRonalds story?_

**_Yes, we need to stop your Grandpop-pop-pop from destroying another French delicacy before it’s too late._ **

_But my Grandpop-pop-pop-pop-pop -_

**_Okay, that’s enough._ **

_-pop-_

**_YUUUUGI! Ra,, no wonder your parents abandoned you - yes, I’ve been listening in to your therapy sessions again. Well. The Game Shop has been set on fire multiple times, I’ve mind-crushed him...only for him to return and become even more obtuse...Perhaps…_ **

_Yami...I am talking about you next in therapy. How could you casually bring up my childhood trauma like that?_

**_Why is everyone else allowed to but me? Anyway,.._ **

“ _YUUUUUUUUUUUUGIIIIII!”_ Speaking of Grandpappi, he rolled from the kitchen screaming. His face was covered in slick slime from the raw chicken he mishandled. There was also a stench of burnt bacon (but that was per usual). “Wanna have a sample of what I’m making for dessert?”

“GRANDPA! I don’t know how many times I need to tell you every minute, but wash your face! You have raw chicken juice all over your beard and face. Your eyes are literally yellow, go to the hospital!”

“I do?”

“I can literally see it dripping from your nose to your beard to the floor!! How the heck did the slimy juice even get on your face? Were you rubbing it on yourself?!”

Instead of heeding his grandson’s advice, he thought of one better. He licked it off his beard. He slurped every last drop. He had nothing else to lose...right?

“MMMMMMMMMMMM that’s some good chicken.” Grandpa then guzzled a carton of expired 2% milk for a refreshing drink. The drink was slightly curdled but that it was okay, it added an extra **_tang_ **. 

“That’s it! I’m calling your doctor right now. This can’t be what he recommended you to substitute for your engrossed bacon intake.” Yugi hissed in disgust. 

“NOOOOO, YUUUUGI! I hate him!” Solomon waddled over to the phone and smashed it against the wall repeatedly.

**_Yugi, I thought of a plan._ **

_I’m listening._

**_We gamble all of the money in your stupid grandpop’s register, double it then triple it, then–_ **

_Get to the point._

**_Then we leave and go buy a new house. Or a studio apartment. Or a palace. Or a sand castle. I never lose so we have no risk involved with gambling._ **

_What about that time you played the Seal and -_

**_That does not count, Yugi! It was all your fault anyhow! Curses!_ **

Solomon was still smashing the phone against the wall. He then broke through the wall and hit one of the supporting beams of the Game Shop. “I! Will Not! Listen! To! My! DOCTOR!” Solomon roared. 

“Grandpa! Stop smashing the-”

**_Wait for it…._ **

As soon as Solomon would take out the beam entirely…

_*Ding!*_

“Oooooooh, the pie is ready!” Solomon got on all fours and rolled into the slimy chicken juice that he spilled all over the floor while making his….pie. The juice propelled him forward into the kitchen, Solomon then crashed directly into the oven. A spark from the malfunctioning oven then soared through the air and then landed on the chicken juice stained floor. 

_Yeah, okay...it’s time to leave._ Yugi walked over to the cash register and removed its contents.

“YUUUUUUUUGIIIII!” Grandpa cried. “You have to try dessert! It’s a chicken pot pie but healthier! The crust is three week old celery and the juice is leftover beef bouillon cubes and ramen packets! I also added a nice, curdled milk gaze to make the crusty crispy.”

“.....you think using three week old celery, along with beef bouillon cubes and ramen packets is healthier?” Yugi sighed. “How is this even a dessert?”

**_Yugi, it is time to RUN._ **

“Wait a second...The Crusty Crisp…” Solomon pondered as more chicken juice started to drip from his own legs. Yami had occasionally wondered as to what would happen if he stabbed the old greasy man and realized he would leak pure chicken broth.

“YUUUUUUGIIIII, I think I’ll retire from the Game Shop and open a new restaurant called The Crusty Crisp! What do you think, my sweet little grandson?” Solomon asked while rolling over to Yugi and the still unconscious Tristan. He was rolling more and more like a giant dough ball. He tucked his knees under his chin, rolling over to Yugi like a...disgusting slithery slug or piglet.

“Yeah...Great, Grandpa. Sounds perfect. I’m gonna go get Tristan a bandaid for his...unconsciousness. I’ll be back...later.” Yugi promptly ran as fast as his tiny stubby legs could propel him.

Solomon Muto, however, was evolving...or, devolving. He rolled into a large chicken juice filled dough ball and chased after Yugi. 

Yugi screamed. “GRANDPA! LEAVE ME ALONE!”

“YUUUUUUGGGGIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII” 

The chase was on. Yugi, the frightened duelist running for his life to help his unconscious friend. Then there was Solomon, who was rolling at such an incredible speed to catch up to his grandson.   
“YUUUUUUGIIII, help your dear grandpa come up with a menu for the new restaurant!” 

“LEAVE ME ALONE, GRANDPA!”

Yugi then cut right into the nearest alley. Suddenly Solomon was at record speed, but couldn’t make the turn to catch up to his sweet grandson. At least his blinker was on for other drivers. Instead, he came dough ball to face to Joey Wheeler who was in the middle of sniffing a fire hydrant. He was also full clad in his dog fursona outfit.

“NYEEEEEEEEEEEAH!”

****CRASH****

To be continued...


	2. Joey and his Furry Games

Joey growled like a canine and bared his teeth at the rolly polly greasy and sweaty old man. “Lissen up ‘ya old Geezer! Get off my furry territory!”

Solomon screamed and barreled into Joey, his slick chicken juice slime rubbing all over his fursona outfit. 

“EXCUUUUUSE ME lil doggy, I’m looking for my sweet grandson. He ripped off his baby safety harness and ran away as soon as it was time for dessert. Would you please help me?” Solomon begged the peeved dog. 

Joey growled. He slashed his claw against poor sweaty Grandpa’s face. “GRRRRR!!!! WHAAAA?! Yugi went missing?! Where did you scare him off now, ya big cannoli?”

“Hmmmmmm...cannoli...I’ll add that to the new menu!!” Solomon shrieked like a pterodactyl. He pulled out a tattered, greasy notebook and began scribbling the new word onto a page.

“Whateva, grandpa. I gotta go find my best friend! Poor little guy must be frightened out of his mind.” Joey woofed, scratching his ear. A poor bystander screamed as Joey nonchalantly peed on the fire hydrant. 

**_Yugi, you need to stop running every time your grandpa tries to do something ridiculous. You need to face these situations head on instead of fight—_ **

Before the pharaoh could mutter another motivational speech that Yugi would most definitely ignore, he bumped into a white pole in the middle of the alleyway. 

“What the..”

There standing in front of the duelist was Bakura who was obnoxiously smiling ear to ear at the confused lil boy.

“Oh, hell no!” Yugi screamed. “Get the fuck out of my way Bakura! I can’t deal with your stupid British ass right now!”

“Oh bloody hell Yugi! Why do you hate me so much?”

“I SAID MOVE YOU STUPID BRITISH BITCH!” Yugi screamed, flailing his little baby legs at Bakura’s stupidass British body. 

**_Yugi, what in the world has got into you? You’re acting worse than me._ **

**“** OHHHHH YUUUUUUGIIIIII” the delusional grandpappi turned roly poly was hot on Yugi’s heels. He had to think of something quick to escape his grandpa’s greasy, fishy, sweaty embrace. He could smell his grandpa’s stench from a few feet away. Not today!

“Bakura! Think fast!” 

“Wha-” 

Yugi then tossed the poor, harmless Bakura in front of the humanoid roly poly to avoid contact. Yugi ran away as fast as his baby legs could carry him, ignoring Bakura’s cries for help. It wasn’t Yugi’s problem anymore.

“YUUUUUGIIII WAIT FOR MEEEEEE” 

“NO GRANDPA! Get away from me! I’m seeing your doctor immediately!”

Little did Yugi know that whenever Solomon’s doctor was mentioned, the humanoid old man gained extra rage and fueled his speed to stop his sweet grandson. 

“NO DOCTOR, YUUUUGIIIIII!!”

**_Yugi, I think you caused your grandpa to completely lose it. He’s already not human to begin with. In ancient Egypt, he would have been sacrificed to the Gods at this point. Did I mention my sundial? Well, anyhow, you’re on your own this time._ **

_ You say that EVERY time, Yami! Whatever, I’m done with this formulaic bullshit! I am leaving for real, once and for all. I am going to make a life for myself, I am a grown ass adult and I am tired of being subjected to this constant abuse.  _ ****

**_Choo choo trains, here I come!! I will fix that one train...eventually._ **

_ Why don’t you ever listen to me, Pharaoh?! I want you to fix my damn train! It’s your fault that it’s broken anyway! _

The exhausted duelist finally made it to the hospital to gain some back up from Solomon’s doctor. If Yami wasn’t going to help him, who would?

“Ey, Yug! On your left!” Joey woofed. 

_ Oh, fuck my life... _

“What do you want, Joey? Could you please take off your fursuit in public, damn!”

“...Are...are you sure, Yug? I’m not really...wearing anything else under this fursuit...”

“....Nevermind.”

The two...friends went to see Solomon’s doctor to seek solace before he would destroy the entire hospital in one roll. 

“Doctor Metcalf! Grandpa has completely lost it! He tried making me watermelon chicken salad in order to be healthy. You know what’s not healthy? Salmonella? Disgusting chicken juice!” Yugi dry heaved thinking about it. “You really need to explain to him the health hazards of cooking chicken and in general before he kills all of us.” Yugi said, gasping for breath. The levels of nausea he was experiencing was unreal. He hadn’t even eaten it.

The doctor groaned in exasperation. “Oh, for Goodness sakes...Your Grandfather complains an...awful lot about you, Yugi.”

**_HA!_ **

“As well as your...er...imaginary Egyptian friend.”

**_Damn._ **

“Yeah, yeah, I get it, my stupid Grandpa hates me. Can you get him out of my life or what?”

“I’m...sorry?”

“Get him the hell out of DOMINO CITY! I’m so tired of his ass! Everytime Yami mind-crushes him, Grandpa comes back stronger than ever. I’m tired of running away from him. I’m tired of using stupidass Britishass Bakura as a shield. Can you send him to an American hospital or something?”

“I’m sorry...mind-crushing? Okay, Yugi. I’m going to give you the number of one of my closest friends. He’s an excellent therapist and I think you and him would have a great conversation about mind-crushing and your imaginary Egyptian friend.” 

**_I’LL MIND-CRUSH YOU, PEASANT! IMAGINARY?!_ **

_ Yami, please..I can take care of this. _

Suddenly, Yugi noticed that Dr. Metcalf’s water on his stand was starting to shake. Little by little, the ripples were becoming larger. This could only mean that Yugi’s chicken juice filled dough ball of a grandpa was rolling closer to the room. 

“Dr. Metcalf, please send my grandpa away from Domino City. The hospital, a home, another country, prison, anything!! He has made my life ten times worse since I started living with him. My own parents disappeared off of the grid, and it wasn’t because of me, it was because of Solomon!”

“Yugi...I am considering referring you to a–”

“ _Hey!_ My stupid grandpappi is the one with the problem– not me! I am begging you for help, but if you’re going to be cruel to me then my partner and I are leaving!”

“Your...partner? Yugi, I have absolutely no idea as to what you’re talking about. Do you mean your imaginary Egyptian friend?”

**_THAT’S IT, COMMONER!_ **

Before Yugi could react, Yami took over and wrapped his hands around the poor doctor’s neck. “Choke, peasant!”

_ YAMI!! ARE YOU TRYING TO KILL HIM?! _

The doctor struggled to breathe, gasping for mercy. Suddenly, the roly poly humanoid none other than Solomon Muto came crashing into the doctor’s office just like he did at  Kreepy Kaiba’s coffee shop. “YUUUUUUGIIIIIIIIIIIIIII!”

Greasy Grandpa barrelled into the doctor, sending him crashing onto the floor with specks of chicken juice flying into the air. 

“OH, MY SWEET DEAR GRANDSON! I finally found you once again!” The roly poly slowly barreled towards the frightened duelist. 

“Grandpa! You need to quit doing this to me and my friends. My social life... _ no,  _ my entire life has been a complete disaster with you in it! You’re the reason my parents left, not me! You’re the reason my life is a living hell! You know what my therapist has taught me after all of my sessions? You’re the root of my problems! I’m standing up for myself, dammit!”

There was a pause. Yugi was actually standing up for himself? Even the doctor woke up from his own unconsciousness after being strangled to near death. Joey was so shocked that he peed a little bit in his dog suit.

Solomon squeezed his chicken juice onto the floor along with Joey’s pee puddle. “My...sweet little..grandson...don’t do this to me…!” He gently tucked his knees under his chin and rolled towards little Yugi, Little Yugi, however, stomped directly on his fat stomach. 

**_Yes, Yugi! Let the rage consume you. Kill that son of a bitch._ **

_ Yessss, yesss...I...don’t know how to kill him. _

**_Let me demonstrate with the doctor—_ **

_ NO! I’ll...I’ll send his soul into the TV. Just like Pegasus did. But this time...It’ll be forever. _

“Yuuuuugi, what kind of progrem would I be on the television?? OOOOOOO put me on the Oprah channel! She’s so wise and inspirational! Oprah helped me become the generous man I am today!” The sweaty grandpa rolled in excitement around the room.

“WHAT THE—? Grandpa, NO! You’re not going on  _ daytime  _ programming!”

“Can I at least be on the Dora? You know, the one who exploras all of the mystical realms on her adventures!”

“YOU’RE NOT GOING ON THE OPRAH CHANNEL OR EXPLORING WITH DORA, GRANDPA!” Yugi shouted with rage from his tiny stomach that was destroyed by Solomon’s watermelon chicken salad from earlier. Grandpa screamed with rage and rolled around in the sweaty mass he was. He was a fat, filthy, greasy pig. Which was ironic considering how many pigs he consumed on a daily basis. 

“Hey, everyone!” none other than Tristan Taylor screamed as he stepped into the doctor’s office. “I woke up from my unconsciousness and I’m ready to— _ AAH!”  _ he screamed as he slipped onto the chicken juice slime, knocking himself unconscious yet again. “Never mind!” Joey peed on him for extra measure because he didn’t like doctors. ,That was his biggest fear too. He peed on the doctor too. The doctor threw him out the window.

“NYEEEEAAAAAHHHHHHHH” The poor dog waddled his paws in the air, landing safely into the bushes in front of the hospital. “I’ll get dat docta..HEHEHEHEH” the dog heckled.

“ _ JOEY!”  _ Yami roared. “Control your bladder this instant, that is absolutely  _ foul!”  _

“Hey guys! I finally woke up from the-” He kicked Tristan out of the window as well. He turned to his stupid grandpop-pop-pop-pop to do the same, but the man was streaking now, running around the room like the lunatic that he was. He dressed himself in a horribly thin hospital gown, exposing all of his flappy greasy body absolutely no one wanted to see. Not to mention his unmentionables, which he had shoved through the gap in the gown. 

“Are you going to send me to the magic colored box or not, my sweet little Grandson?” Grandpa “accidentally” then slipped out of his gown.

“Oh for the love of -  _ SOLOMON!  _ Your -  _ ewugh! _ ” Yami shielded his eyes. Perhaps he should retreat to the soul room and allow Yugi to handle this matter.

“Top of the morning, Yugi!” Bakura stepped into the room. “I was a little taken back you used me as a shield in front of your obese Grandpop, but all is forgiven. Now, would you like to split some crumpets and drink some tea with me?”

Yami immediately retreated into the puzzle. He was absolutely not dealing with Bakura today. That was Yugi’s problem. After all, his partner had only seemed to encourage Bakura to infringe on their lives. Yugi groaned.

“Bakura! Read the damn room! Can’t you see you’re not welcome here?” Yugi screeched. 

Bakura did a double take. “Are you talking to me, Yugi?”

“NO! To the OTHER Bakura!” Yugi screamed ironically.

The other Bakura appeared. Not Ryou, but the keeper of the Millennium Ring. 

“You beckoned me?” the other Bakura asked with a smirk on his face. “Hmmm, it appears that-”

Without warning, Solomon’s excitement about going inside the TV caused him to roll into Bakura knocking him out the window as well. The doctor was then thrown out the window as well because why the hell not.

“I’m okay!” Ryou called. Joey then decided to take his revenge further and pooped on the unconscious doctor. There were no doggy bags in sight. That was an additional fee for his fursona costume. Joey has been banned from multiple furry conventions by now to understand this.

“HEHEHEHEH take dat, stoopid docta!” The dog shouted with all the happiness that this moment could bring him. He hasn’t been this excited since he first received his doggy suit. Sure it had cost him the rest of his life savings, but it was worth every yen. 

“Joey, you’re absolutely useless...” Yami muttered from the doctor’s office. While everyone was busy falling out the window, Solomon’s hopes of meeting Oprah and Dora the Explorer were causing him to roll around the office walls with sheer excitement.

“I know. You told me last time you asked me to help you with a  _ ~mission~.”  _

Yami cringed. “Never again.” To Yugi he said,  **_I think now is as good a time as any to flee the country and obtain restraining orders against…_ ** He paused and looked at the people around them.  **_Everyone...and never look back._ **

_ Yami...Do you really think Grandpa’s roly poly, massive weight could be restrained by a sheer piece of paper? Yami? _

The Pharaoh didn’t listen to a single word Yugi was saying as he was caught up in the moment with playing with Yugi’s baby trains again.

**_Hahaha now I AM the king of trains_ **

_ I assume you fixed my trains? _

Before Yami could come up with an excuse to defend himself from destroying Yugi’s trains, a hand reached through the window of the office. 

“I...am...not done with you yet, Yugi Muto!” Ryou muttered as his anger increased. “It’s time for my other half to send you to the shadow realm where you belong forever!”

As Ryou was reaching out his hand to eliminate to young duelist, the great dough ball filled with chicken juice made his way in front of his sweet grandson and was sent to the shadow realm, saving Yugi and Yami from certain doom. The once smiling and cheerful grandpappi stopped his rolling and fell to the floor. 

_ Is he...is he.. _

**_He’s gone, Yugi. You can finally breathe now. It’s over._ **

_ I can’t believe it. Bakura saved my life and sent my stupid grandpa to the shadow realm. He really does care about me. _

Yugi, full of excitement, rushed over to Bakura and hugged him for his act of service. 

“Bakura! I’m so happy you saved me from my stupid grandpa!”

**_YUGI!_ **

_ You helped too, Pharaoh. I guess. _

**_A little?!_ **

Taken back from Yugi’s sincerity, Ryou Bakura hugged him back with joy. Ryou finally made a friend. Even though Yugi constantly harassed him for being British...he was a new friend. 

“C’mon, Yugi. I’ll buy us some crumpets and tea and Kaiba’s coffee shop!” spoke the happy white pole.

“Sure, new best friend! Joey, you’re dead to me!” Yugi smiled, skipping with the British Bakura to Kaiba’s coffee shop. Joey cried.

As they walked into the newly renovated shop, there was a sense of calm in Yugi. Finally after years of torture from his delusional, greasy, sweaty, fishy, yellow-eyed lizard of a grandpa, he was free. Even breathing felt so relieving to the young duelist and he made a new friend who saved his life. 

“What kind of tea would you prefer, Yugi?” Bakura asked.

“You can pick, since you’re the expert, NEW best friend that isn’t JOEY OR YAMI!” Yugi gleefully said.

**_Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrr._ ** Yami growled. He hissed like a snake for emphasis. Yugi ignored him.

As they sat down, while eating and drinking their meal, Bakura and Yugi began to realize they had a lot in common. In fact, Bakura had a delusional and greasy great grandpop-pop-pop-pop. It was nice to know Yugi was not alone in this type of nightmare. 

“Oh, look Yugi! They’re showing the new talent show on tv.” Bakura pointed toward the screen. “And who is that hosting the show? Oprah...is it?”

Yugi spat out his tea in shock and quickly whipped around to look at the television. His jaw dropped and it was indeed Oprah. 

“Welcome everyone to Domino’s Got Talent! We’re going to begin our show with an amazing story from the sweetest and kindest man, our show has ever seen. Here is with extreme acrobatics, please help me welcome…”

_ No no no no no no _

“Solomon Muto!!” 

“OHHHHH thank you, Ms. Oprah!” He was in a disturbingly tight see-through leotard. “Before I begin my incredible feats of acrobatics, I want to dedicate my performance to my dear sweet grandson, YUUUUUUGIIIII!” 

_ No no no no no no - _

“Yugi...that man looks just like your grandfather and..what is he wearing?”

Yami immediately took over.

“ **BAKURA! I thought you disposed of that horrendous beast of a humanoid mess?!”** screamed Yami while bashing his fists on the table in rage

“I’m so sorry, Yugi. I have no idea what you’re talking about and what happened to your voice? Why did it become deeper all of the sudden?” Bakura pondered. 

“That does not matter! Get him the hell off of Oprah’s show before he humiliates Domino City with his disturbing leotard performance!”

“ _ OOOOOOOOH YUUUUUUGI!”  _ Grandpa roared on the TV. “ _ THIS IS FOR YOU!”  _ Puddles of grease and chicken juice slowly dropped in excitement as his time to shine was about to begin.

To be continued...


End file.
